Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize