I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
