Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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