I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
