I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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