Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
