I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
