I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
