wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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