I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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