god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize