you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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