At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Found the puke drawer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
