I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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