You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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