Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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