its not stalking. its research.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
