Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
