If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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