shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
