You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
