So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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