...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
