when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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