If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
