Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
