Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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