this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
