Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
