That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
