Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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