Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
