I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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