So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
