Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
