I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
