I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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