The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize