THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
