Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
