I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
