How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
