My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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