i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
