does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
