I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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