you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
