I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
