Don't you send me to vm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
