I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
