My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
