You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
