Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I only lived at night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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