I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
