if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
