I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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