Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
