is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
