You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
