I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
