How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
