please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
