She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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