been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
