So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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