It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
