It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
