Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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