Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
