One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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