he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
