2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
