I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize