I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
