I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
