His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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