I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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