Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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