i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
