I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
