a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
