Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
