I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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