I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
