Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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