News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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