and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
