so that wasnt chicken after all
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize