i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
