I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He has the fingertips of a God
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