I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
