i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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