I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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