i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
