someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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