My room smells like vodka and shame
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
