i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize