her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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