If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
