Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
