Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
