Is it because I queefed?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
